An Assembly of Morons, November 16

It's been a long time since I last posted. Perhaps you're thinking that there's been a sudden decrease in moronic parking in Kosovo? Far from it, friends: far from it.

In fact, the problem has been the opposite. Sometimes you're so surrounded by moronocrity (it's a word - look it up) that you become blind to it. And sometimes you need more than a single act of moronedness (again - I stand by this word) to shake you from your slumber. With that in mind, I give you today's entry: a veritable assembly of morons.

At first glance, one might ask "Who, precisely, is the moron here? Sure, I see cars parked higgledy- piggledy, facing in all sorts of directions, with no apparent order: but is this the result of moronic behavior, or is there some grander design at work here?"

Let me assure you: there is no grand design. Only the competing several hundred designs of each car's owner. Perhaps some clarification is in order...



Several of the autos here have attempted to park in at least some imitation of the order implied by the painted parking spaces (although a number have extended those marked rows to their own liking.) But the MPVs of the moron contest here are those circled in the detailed photo. The cars circled in red have managed to block in two rows of about 20 cars and left no phone numbers on their dash board, as is the custom here. But the gold medal goes to the car circled in green, who has blocked in every car pictured, as well as the rest of the cars in the whole lot, numbering approximately 200. This truly is the work of some majestic Grade A moron, and I salute you sir. Nice job. You win.

Perhaps you'd be surprised to know that this situation was actually WORSE when I first noticed it, and improved over the course of the five minutes that it took me to get to my camera. Don't be surprised, gentle reader. There's plenty more where that came from. We've got more morons coming soon, including our first guest submission...

Parking Moron of the Day, October 17, 2011

Vehicle with Kosovo ministry seal on doors. Blocking lane. Major road. While they sit and drink coffee. Morons.

call for submissions

Yesterday I needed to take my car to Mitrovica. It took me a reasonable five minutes to get it out its space and head towards the exit, only to find my path completely blocked by a small silver Peugeot. No phone number on the dash, no response to my honking. I gave it a good twenty minutes, tried to get some police interested in my cause, and waited more.

Finally, a couple of passing bodybuilders took pity on me and simply lifted the car out of my way. I'm not kidding. That story is true.

But the really remarkable part of the story is that it didn't even occur to me to photograph this event. That's how accustomed I am to moronic parking.

Probably you are too. Still, it's worth noticing just how much you get used to sometimes: water shortages, electricity cuts, and morons, morons, morons. Got a great Kosovo parking moron you want to submit to our blog? Send your photo to kosovo.travelogue AT gmail. At the end of the year we'll pick the winner from all submissions and buy you a nice cold beer.

Parking Moron of the Day, October 11, 2011

Macedonia is a country of 2 million people, half of which appear to be stationed as diplomats in neighboring Kosovo. You can easily identify them by their shiny new cars, black license plates, and - yup, you guessed it - moronic parking.

Midnight Moron, October 6, 2011

Alright... I just can't be too hard on this guy, because he's so clearly drunk. Why else would he have parked 1) in a lane of traffic on Pristina's main thoroughfare, 2) in front of a crosswalk, 3) under a "no parking" sign, 4) next to some of the only barriers on that street that clearly attempt to prevent parking, and 5) across the street from the police station? I mean: this is pretty bad right? It can't be just that he's a self-entitled prick who thinks that his job with EULEX (that's license plate number 0085) gives him license to do whatever the fuck he wants.

No... I'm going to say that this poor sap was just 6) too drunk to be parking, let alone driving. Perhaps the fact that he's parked across the street from a pub that's popular with internationals provides some supporting evidence for this hypothesis. Well, he might have racked up a new record of 6 ways to be a moron, but I just can't be mad at the poor lush.

What's that you say? Maybe he had just had a midnight errand at the EULEX complex that sits on that very corner? Forgot his coat, or a report that he wanted to read, so he stopped by the office with the private parking lot entrance not ten feet from where he chose to park? No, let's give him more credit than that. Let's at least assume that he was too drunk to reason, not that he has no ability to reason whatsoever.

Safe travels, moron: sleep well, and may your inebriated dreams be every bit as untroubled by the rule of law as your waking hours appear to be.

Parking Moron Trifecta, October 5, 2011

I could write a whole blog about the parking lot behind my apartment building. Instead, I'll try not to draw from that well too often, but I couldn't help it today, as I watched numerous cars creep around these three numbskulls:



They've tried to make it appear as if they're only extending the row a bit, but in fact they've managed to nearly completely trap about 30 other cars who, as I now watch from my balcony, have spent the past 30 minutes trying to figure out how to get around them. Nice job, idiots. Nice job.

Parking Moron of the Day, October 4, 2011

Blocking the crosswalk in the confidence zone, Mitrovica. Actual conversation below.

Waiter: (threateningly) What are you doing?

Me: Photographing.

Waiter: Why?

Me: Because I take pictures of exceptionally bad parking.

Customer/Car Owner: (sarcastically) Oh, maybe we can learn from you.

Me: I doubt I can teach you anything - this is bad parking anywhere in the world, and everyone knows it.

Parking Moron of the Day Runner Up, September 29, 2011

Look closely and you'll see that this one's a two-for-the-price-of-one: OSCE and UNHCR cars illegally parked on "Police Avenue" in Pristina - nearly directly opposite the police station.

Parking Moron of the Day, September 29, 2011

Look familiar? Yes: that's the crosswalk / traffic turnaround in the confidence zone in Mitrovica. A perfect place to block traffic. I waited five minutes before snapping a photo. The hazards were left on to indicate either "I'm in the bank depositing my way-too-high salary" or "Fuck off and wait for me while I drink a coffee at Charlie's." Either way, he/she wins our Parking Moron of the Day Award.