Parking Moron(s) of the Day, July 5, 2012

I saw this guy, and I thought "You have found your daily moron." Not only was he parked directly beneath a No Parking sign, but he was also blocking a crosswalk on one of Pristina's busiest avenues. In moron parlance, this is what you call a double whammy.  And so I took my photo and crossed the street...

But as soon as I did, a second moron pulled up behind the first one. 

You see: morons travel in packs.

Parking Moron of the Day, July 2, 2012

Today's moron comes to you from downtown Pristina. Those poles on the side of the road?  They mean "Don't fucking park here!" This street has three lanes.  Two go in one direction, and one going in the other.  Guess which lane this car chose to park in...  That's right: the single lane, causing all traffic in that direction to veer into oncoming traffic in order to continue on.

But wait, that's not all.  

Yes, there were three kids in the back of the car.  I waited around for a couple of minutes to see if a parent would show up, but then figured this was a classic Darwinian scenario.  Any moron that leaves their car in the middle of the road with kids in it is just begging for some natural selection.  Moron.

Parking Moron of the Day, June 18, 2012. Or perhaps of the year.

O, have I got a moron for you.

So.  I'm drivin' down the street.  Mindin' my own business.  But suddenly I can't go forward anymore, even though that's the direction I want to go.  And the reason?  You'll never guess.

The reason is that there's a car parked there.

In the street.  Which is definitely NOT a place for parking.

See, in Kosovo, as in much of the rest of the world, the streets are for driving, and we keep the cars parked in other areas.  All kinds of other areas.  But mostly we reserve the streets for driving, NOT parking.  But not this guy.  "What gives!" I thought.  This is some kind of different parking!

So I pull over and try to figure out what's going on here.  Is there some kind of accident, or emergency, or crisis?  Or have the laws changed, and now the sidewalks are for driving and the streets or for parking?  But then I see it.  The thing that makes me realize the real problem.  It's the plates.

Diplomatic.

It's then I realize that the only problem is that this guy don't give a damn about nothin'. So then I start takin' pictures.  And that's when the next thing happens...

The next thing is that the guy comes up to me, and he's mad.  He's saying "What are you doing" and "Hey stop that" and "Who are you?" and then he's saying the thing that really gets me.

The thing that really gets me is this one: "I'm a diplomat."

And I'm saying "It's not illegal to take pictures" and "I don't really care who you are--that's some damn bad parking" and "I'm just a guy who takes pictures" and then I'm saying "Take your goddamned hand off me" because this prick actually puts his hand on me.

So then I say nothing because I figure I'm about to blow my top, and I just start taking more pictures.  Too bad the pics didn't turn out so good, but you get the idea.  And then the guy says something that should really bug you.  He says "This is Kosovo." And he walks away.

I'm not sure what he means by this.  Maybe he means "Hey, why are you hassling me?  Everyone does this here." Or maybe he means "Hey, I can do whatever I want, especially in this place that I don't respect." Or maybe he means "Hey, this is how it is here, and that's how I like it." But whatever he means, it should make you unhappy.  Because any of those attitudes is a shitty one to be held by someone who gets paid by your tax money.

Actually, maybe it's not your tax money.  Because I couldn't really figure out where he was from.  This little cock pussed out and went back to his table, and I took a couple more shots.  He was short (about my size), and had dark hair.  And his plates were white with black and blue letters: CD 003 ET.  But I'd really like to know whose tax money it is that pays this ass, so let's have a little contest.  You figure out the origin of the plates, and I buy you a beer.  Sound fair? Deal. Lemme know.

And Mr. Diplomat?  You asked who I am.  I'm not a diplomat, I don't have an official job: I'm just a guy who tries to to follow the basic rules of a country I'm a guest in.  But if you get to park where you want, then I get to photograph what I want. So fuck you.

And you NEVER get to touch me.

Moron.

Update: That didn't take too long to figure out. Italy, this moron is yours. Grazie.

Parking Moron of the Day, June 12, 2012

Just because you're a diplomat doesn't give you immunity from being a moron. Moron.

Parking Moron of the Day, June 6, 2012

It's called a "traffic circle," not a "parking circle." Morons.

The two on the left and right have official plates. The one in the middle is just a regular, unofficial moron.

Parking Moron of the Day, May 3

Parking half on the sidewalk, half in the road? Blocking a lane of one of Pristina's major thoroughfares? Chatting on the phone and playing with the sunroof? Sure: that's all pretty moronic.

But doing all this daddy's car with the Kosovo diplomatic plates? Way to take it to the next level. For this, we award you "Parking Moron of the Day."

Parking Moron of the Day, April 29

Today's Moron was photographed a few days ago (April 27) in Dragodan.  I'll admit: there's nothing too egregious about this parking. It's just another case of planting a vehicle directly beneath a "no parking" sign.  But the funny thing here is that there were no other cars for a half a block around.  In other words: this car could have easily parked somewhere else RATHER THAN DIRECTLY BENEATH A SIGN TELLING HIM/HER NOT TO. For this alone, I grant EULEX license plate number 0162 our "Moron of the Day" Award.

Extra points awarded because this car was nowhere near one of Dragodan's many embassies. Instead, the driver had parked near one of Dragodan's fancy dining establishments. They weren't breaking the law on official business. They were just breaking the law over tapas and wine.

"But hey," you might be saying, "It sure do seem like a helluva lot of these Morons aint from around these parts. Why is it that these internationals are so much worse at parking than everyone else?"

Well, that's a great question. Really. But don't let my little sampling so far give you the wrong impression. Local people can be TERRIBLE at parking. But, in my unscientific survey, I've found that local people tend to break this rule in groups. One often comes across 30 cars with KS plates in a single no parking zone. But there's something about an official or semi-official license plate that gives drivers the confidence they need to break out of the pack and break the rules all by themselves, like today's moron.

Still, I'm not really interested in documenting only the parking infractions of the so-called international community. (They just make it so easy!) For at least a little while, I will try to focus a bit more on local parking techniques... See you soon.

Parking Moron of the Day, April 27, 2012

It's been a long time.

To tell the truth, I wasn't sure I wanted to keep this blog going. Documenting moronic parking in Kosovo is not a part-time job. There just aren't enough hours in the day.

And, to be fair, I had some things to do in Texas for a couple months. So I wasn't really in a position to take photos, and I had a lot of other things to do... and it seemed like this little blog might just die an early death. Sometimes that just happens.

Until I came on this little beauty.

I've been back in Pristina for a few days now, and I'd seen some bad bad parking. So it took this piece of work to really capture my imagination, make me shake my head, and pull the camera out of the ol' backpack.

For those readers not literate in Euro signage, the sign in the foreground means "no parking." It is relatively universal in Europe, and cannot mean anything else. But our little friend here hasn't just ignored the sign: they've gone the extra step to wedge themselves between the garbage containers and the fence, on the sidewalk, in a place that clearly never was and never in any way will be a parking spot. This kind of rule-breaking takes work and chutzpah.

For those readers not literate in Kosovo license plates, the "E" in this "EU" plate stands for the grotesquely enlarged sense of ENTITLEMENT that some people have here. Entitled to break some rules while complaining about other rule-breakers a heartbeat later. Entitled to take whatever they want whenever they want it, no matter who or what might be in their way. Entitled to do things they would never think of doing in their home countries.

At least, that's what I assume the "E" stands for.

Yes, I'm still here, and it's still the little things that piss me off.